The best of both worlds?

One sees t-girl profiles, ads, blogs, whatnot, advertising themselves as the "best of both worlds". Doesn't it stand to reason that they are also the worst of both worlds as well?

This only comes to mind because I've got an ad on an adult-themed dating site. And I find myself waffling.

I've had a handful of offers to go out, and even as I accept, I find myself not taking the guys too seriously. For instance, my profile states that I'm not looking for a hook-up, or a quickie, and hints that if you're just looking to meet in a cheap motel for sex while the wife isn't looking, fuggaboutit.

I say that I want a guy to actually take me to dinner. A real date. Maybe a movie. And so, I've had a few offers along those lines. And I try to call their bluffs, because I don't really believe they'll show up.

But then, someone will call my calling their bluff, and ask "where and when?" And again, I don't believe they'll show. I should just stick with a little rule I set for myself a while back, with closeted t-girls: "the next time I'm going out, I'll let you know, and you can meet me and my friends." Because I tend to doubt anyone online is actually going to follow through on a promise to meet in real time. And if I'm going to go through the trouble of getting made up, I'd rather not be sitting by myself in a parking lot, waiting for Godot. If I'm gonna get dressed, I might as well have friends around for entertainment when said "date" doesn't show.

But what if they do show? Am I actually ready to go out on a date with a man? It's kinda scary for me. Sure, when it's late at night, and I'm safely tucked in front of my computer, it's a nice idea. But the reality? I know how men are. I know what they think. And I know that any guy on an adult dating site is looking for one thing, and one thing only, no matter what his profile says. And I don't like the idea of leading a guy on, online, meeting him in person, finding him completely repulsive and leaving him high and dry. I wouldn't want that done to me.

I'm still iffy on the idea of men altogether. (More on that later.)

Maybe I'm not waffling at all. (Not to suggest women waffle.)

Or maybe I am saying that. Men tend to be singled minded. Or at least, that's how we see them. Women enjoy the perrogative of changing their minds dependent on their moods. Or at least, that's what they claim.

But the bigger picture: Yeah, I'm thinking I'm ready to date again. The separation was in March, the divorce finalized in June. And while I told myself I wouldn't date for an entire year, I'm getting, antsy. Lonely, perhaps.

And this is about the worst time of the year to start seeing anyone, anyway. But there, I said it. I threw my hat in the ring.

The idea of getting emotionally intimate, committed to someone is still scary. But the idea of being wanted, getting laid is pretty powerful too. It's tough. I want to "get some", but I don't want to just whore around. I've done that already, and am lucky not to come away with a parting gift, like a nice, bright, shiny STD. Not to mention the emotional hole one-night-stands leave.

And then there's the question of whom: I've all but lost interest in relations with women-born-women. I've never had a relationship with a man, even though I've had relations. And T's? Well, they're all bottoms, and to be frank, I need me a top.

So, who does that leave?

Back to the online porn, I guess.