Friday, at lunch, I ate with a good friend who is active in another specialized-interest group. (It's an art club, of sorts. Nothing sexual.) She's unhappy with the lack of involvement with some of the other people in the field. Those in leadership positions tend to move slowly, if at all, and the great unwashed masses tend only to bitch about what does get accomplished, without volunteering to assist.
As a result, my friend tends to shoulder much of the load. She's always volunteering for this and that, and often gets overwhelmed with work. And if it continues, she's going to burn out, and turn her back on something she loves.
I can relate.
But, unfortunately, that's the way people are. In any subculture, in any club, or special interest, there's going to be a small slice that is fired up and ready to go, while the majority simply wants to reap the benefits.
Most people have no interest in lobbying for this bill, or that ordinance. It's why we hire politicians to do it for us. Most people don't care about human rights if it doesn't hurt them. That's why hard news audiences are shrinking while entertainment shows flourish.
Before the election, Barack Obama spoke at the University of Cincinnati's Nippert Stadium. If I remember correctly, there were about 35,000 there. All of them were enthused about changing the world. They cheered when Obama talked about equality for all. They all promised to vote, if they hadn't already.
That scene was repeated, over and over across the country.
Election day? Predictions for voter turnout were in the 80% range. What did we get? 61%
Less than two weeks after the election, the crowds protesting Prop 8, while still impressive, weren't anywhere near what was seen at the Obama rallies.
Again, a couple of weeks after the Prop 8 protest, the number of people coming out for a vigil to support marriage rights had dropped from the hundreds to the dozens.
(These are all local observations, but I'd be willing to bet that on average, they reflect what's happened across the country.)
People were excited about the election. But, they just can't maintain that enthusiasm. There's TV to be watched, video games to be played, music to be listened to.
My biggest fear during the election was that while everyone was calling for change, with an Obama victory, they'd assume the fight was over. They'd assume they don't have to do anything, because the President will take care of it for them. I was heartened by the attendance at the Prop 8 rally, but, I think we, as a nation, are slipping back into our complacency. We're all wondering what Britney is going to wear in her next video. We're looking at the pictures people post, and not reading what they have to say.
It's depressing, I know, but it's also the truth. Most people don't care. So, those that do just have to accept that, and keep pushing that boulder up the hill.
Monday, December 8, 2008
Bear with me. This is more than just a slice of life entry.
Going back to Thursday night, you may recall, I had a couple of things planned. First, I was going to go to a White Knot vigil: just a gathering to demonstrate support for same-sex marriage. Then I was supposed to meet a guy at a local bar. Since I figured he wouldn't show up, I invited my friend Kat along because it was karaoke night, and we haven't sung together in ages.
Well, apparently, the guy showed up, but didn't come over to talk to me. He sent me a message saying he saw me sing, I looked beautiful, and seemed to be having a good time with friends. (A group of very nice gay guys saw me sitting alone when I walked in and invited me to join them.) I answered my "date", and asked why he didn't say "hi", and he fed me some line about having to get up early to work the next day. Yeah. Uh-huh. You drove 30 miles, so you could look at me and leave. Kat was there, our friend Homer showed up, and we had a helluva time.
But back to the Thursday night event. I'm getting into this, what Donna Rose calls "New Activism". I admittedly haven't done much yet, just showed up at a Prop 8 protest, the TDOR vigil, and now this White Knot thing. But, my heart's been in it.
Up until now, my focus on improving conditions for TGs has been on coaxing others out of the closet. The idea was that if more of us come out, at least part-time, we'll start to feel safer, the general public will become more familiar with us, and maybe tomorrow, things will be better.
I don't know that it's worked a whole lot. And as they say, if you keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, you're insane. And despite my "leading by example" efforts to demonstrate it's okay to leave the house, I'm not seeing a lot of transgendered people actually leaving their houses.
I don't think cultural acceptance, job protections and civil rights can be earned by a small number of people. Instead, any changes will have to come from a groundswell of grassroots efforts.
And since that groundswell has yet to materialize, I guess I'm going to have to get involved myself.
But, why attend events promoting same-sex marriage rights? Simple: Someday I may find a guy to settle down with. I'm keeping my options open. But then, why should any transgender person support a gay-rights cause, if they're not gay?
We need the GLB community. They're bigger, they're more organized, and they've already made huge strides in gaining that elusive public acceptance. HRC leadership aside, there are many groups who've already stuck their necks out for us closeted trannies and fully-out transsexuals. If nothing else, we owe them.
But more importantly than that, (I've said it before, I'll say it again, until I don't have to any more), transgender rights are human rights. Gay rights are human rights. We're all in this together. It's about freedom of expression, when you get down to it. The freedom to express your love for someone else. The freedom to express your gender identity.
***
As far as I could tell, I was the only trans-woman at the Prop 8 protest. I was also the only t-girl at White Knot. This neither surprised me, nor disappointed me. (Well, maybe a little on the latter.)
At TDOR-Cincinnati, trans-people were outnumbered by non-trans people, by probably 3 to 1.
That surprised me. Not the low number of T's, but the high percentage of non-T's. A few of them were obviously friends of trans-individuals, but most it seemed weren't. Why were they there? Did they lose someone they loved to violence? Were they just trying to escape the cold? Or, were they showing their support for a community that is still largely invisible?
Well, apparently, the guy showed up, but didn't come over to talk to me. He sent me a message saying he saw me sing, I looked beautiful, and seemed to be having a good time with friends. (A group of very nice gay guys saw me sitting alone when I walked in and invited me to join them.) I answered my "date", and asked why he didn't say "hi", and he fed me some line about having to get up early to work the next day. Yeah. Uh-huh. You drove 30 miles, so you could look at me and leave. Kat was there, our friend Homer showed up, and we had a helluva time.
But back to the Thursday night event. I'm getting into this, what Donna Rose calls "New Activism". I admittedly haven't done much yet, just showed up at a Prop 8 protest, the TDOR vigil, and now this White Knot thing. But, my heart's been in it.
Up until now, my focus on improving conditions for TGs has been on coaxing others out of the closet. The idea was that if more of us come out, at least part-time, we'll start to feel safer, the general public will become more familiar with us, and maybe tomorrow, things will be better.
I don't know that it's worked a whole lot. And as they say, if you keep doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result, you're insane. And despite my "leading by example" efforts to demonstrate it's okay to leave the house, I'm not seeing a lot of transgendered people actually leaving their houses.
I don't think cultural acceptance, job protections and civil rights can be earned by a small number of people. Instead, any changes will have to come from a groundswell of grassroots efforts.
And since that groundswell has yet to materialize, I guess I'm going to have to get involved myself.
But, why attend events promoting same-sex marriage rights? Simple: Someday I may find a guy to settle down with. I'm keeping my options open. But then, why should any transgender person support a gay-rights cause, if they're not gay?
We need the GLB community. They're bigger, they're more organized, and they've already made huge strides in gaining that elusive public acceptance. HRC leadership aside, there are many groups who've already stuck their necks out for us closeted trannies and fully-out transsexuals. If nothing else, we owe them.
But more importantly than that, (I've said it before, I'll say it again, until I don't have to any more), transgender rights are human rights. Gay rights are human rights. We're all in this together. It's about freedom of expression, when you get down to it. The freedom to express your love for someone else. The freedom to express your gender identity.
***
As far as I could tell, I was the only trans-woman at the Prop 8 protest. I was also the only t-girl at White Knot. This neither surprised me, nor disappointed me. (Well, maybe a little on the latter.)
At TDOR-Cincinnati, trans-people were outnumbered by non-trans people, by probably 3 to 1.
That surprised me. Not the low number of T's, but the high percentage of non-T's. A few of them were obviously friends of trans-individuals, but most it seemed weren't. Why were they there? Did they lose someone they loved to violence? Were they just trying to escape the cold? Or, were they showing their support for a community that is still largely invisible?
Sunday, December 7, 2008
Problem solved
I think we've got the virus contained, and exterminated with extreme prejudice. I think.
So much to talk about, and so little time. Got company coming over. Stayed up 'til 12:30 last night, and got up at 5am to go to work. No nap since then. So, this is the glamorous life, eh?
So much to talk about, and so little time. Got company coming over. Stayed up 'til 12:30 last night, and got up at 5am to go to work. No nap since then. So, this is the glamorous life, eh?
Friday, December 5, 2008
Durn computer
Yeah, I've got a Trojan virus that I can't seem to shake. My Symantec says I'm clean, but Microsoft insists I'm not, and I need to buy a $50 download from them.So, for now, I'm operating in Safe Mode, which makes the screen look like the web browser is made by Fisher Price.Very annoying. Especially as I have work to do.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Fired up and ready to.....ah jeez.
I came away from the Prop 8 protest a few weeks back, yes, fired up and ready to go. And it struck me the other day that I haven't done a damn thing since then.
Blogging doesn't count.
Wasn't sure what I could actually do, and then I see this story on the news. And voila! Something I can do, to show my support!
But, this is the first I'd heard of it. They didn't do a very good job of getting the word out. At least not toward some of the fringe people like me.
And I've already made plans. I agreed to meet a guy for drinks. Sure, I doubt he'll show up, but I will not be the person who agrees to a date, and then bails.
Maybe I can do both. The vigil is at 7. The date isn't until 10. Why not?
Blogging doesn't count.
Wasn't sure what I could actually do, and then I see this story on the news. And voila! Something I can do, to show my support!
But, this is the first I'd heard of it. They didn't do a very good job of getting the word out. At least not toward some of the fringe people like me.
And I've already made plans. I agreed to meet a guy for drinks. Sure, I doubt he'll show up, but I will not be the person who agrees to a date, and then bails.
Maybe I can do both. The vigil is at 7. The date isn't until 10. Why not?
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Coming soon...
Thursday evening. 11pm EST, 10 Central, 8 Pacific. Did it ever bother anyone else that Mountain always got skipped over? Anyway, listen live, if you're not busy arranging your sock drawer.
Visit TheArtistD.com for details.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The best of both worlds?
One sees t-girl profiles, ads, blogs, whatnot, advertising themselves as the "best of both worlds". Doesn't it stand to reason that they are also the worst of both worlds as well?
This only comes to mind because I've got an ad on an adult-themed dating site. And I find myself waffling.
I've had a handful of offers to go out, and even as I accept, I find myself not taking the guys too seriously. For instance, my profile states that I'm not looking for a hook-up, or a quickie, and hints that if you're just looking to meet in a cheap motel for sex while the wife isn't looking, fuggaboutit.
I say that I want a guy to actually take me to dinner. A real date. Maybe a movie. And so, I've had a few offers along those lines. And I try to call their bluffs, because I don't really believe they'll show up.
But then, someone will call my calling their bluff, and ask "where and when?" And again, I don't believe they'll show. I should just stick with a little rule I set for myself a while back, with closeted t-girls: "the next time I'm going out, I'll let you know, and you can meet me and my friends." Because I tend to doubt anyone online is actually going to follow through on a promise to meet in real time. And if I'm going to go through the trouble of getting made up, I'd rather not be sitting by myself in a parking lot, waiting for Godot. If I'm gonna get dressed, I might as well have friends around for entertainment when said "date" doesn't show.
But what if they do show? Am I actually ready to go out on a date with a man? It's kinda scary for me. Sure, when it's late at night, and I'm safely tucked in front of my computer, it's a nice idea. But the reality? I know how men are. I know what they think. And I know that any guy on an adult dating site is looking for one thing, and one thing only, no matter what his profile says. And I don't like the idea of leading a guy on, online, meeting him in person, finding him completely repulsive and leaving him high and dry. I wouldn't want that done to me.
I'm still iffy on the idea of men altogether. (More on that later.)
Maybe I'm not waffling at all. (Not to suggest women waffle.)
Or maybe I am saying that. Men tend to be singled minded. Or at least, that's how we see them. Women enjoy the perrogative of changing their minds dependent on their moods. Or at least, that's what they claim.
But the bigger picture: Yeah, I'm thinking I'm ready to date again. The separation was in March, the divorce finalized in June. And while I told myself I wouldn't date for an entire year, I'm getting, antsy. Lonely, perhaps.
And this is about the worst time of the year to start seeing anyone, anyway. But there, I said it. I threw my hat in the ring.
The idea of getting emotionally intimate, committed to someone is still scary. But the idea of being wanted, getting laid is pretty powerful too. It's tough. I want to "get some", but I don't want to just whore around. I've done that already, and am lucky not to come away with a parting gift, like a nice, bright, shiny STD. Not to mention the emotional hole one-night-stands leave.
And then there's the question of whom: I've all but lost interest in relations with women-born-women. I've never had a relationship with a man, even though I've had relations. And T's? Well, they're all bottoms, and to be frank, I need me a top.
So, who does that leave?
Back to the online porn, I guess.
This only comes to mind because I've got an ad on an adult-themed dating site. And I find myself waffling.
I've had a handful of offers to go out, and even as I accept, I find myself not taking the guys too seriously. For instance, my profile states that I'm not looking for a hook-up, or a quickie, and hints that if you're just looking to meet in a cheap motel for sex while the wife isn't looking, fuggaboutit.
I say that I want a guy to actually take me to dinner. A real date. Maybe a movie. And so, I've had a few offers along those lines. And I try to call their bluffs, because I don't really believe they'll show up.
But then, someone will call my calling their bluff, and ask "where and when?" And again, I don't believe they'll show. I should just stick with a little rule I set for myself a while back, with closeted t-girls: "the next time I'm going out, I'll let you know, and you can meet me and my friends." Because I tend to doubt anyone online is actually going to follow through on a promise to meet in real time. And if I'm going to go through the trouble of getting made up, I'd rather not be sitting by myself in a parking lot, waiting for Godot. If I'm gonna get dressed, I might as well have friends around for entertainment when said "date" doesn't show.
But what if they do show? Am I actually ready to go out on a date with a man? It's kinda scary for me. Sure, when it's late at night, and I'm safely tucked in front of my computer, it's a nice idea. But the reality? I know how men are. I know what they think. And I know that any guy on an adult dating site is looking for one thing, and one thing only, no matter what his profile says. And I don't like the idea of leading a guy on, online, meeting him in person, finding him completely repulsive and leaving him high and dry. I wouldn't want that done to me.
I'm still iffy on the idea of men altogether. (More on that later.)
Maybe I'm not waffling at all. (Not to suggest women waffle.)
Or maybe I am saying that. Men tend to be singled minded. Or at least, that's how we see them. Women enjoy the perrogative of changing their minds dependent on their moods. Or at least, that's what they claim.
But the bigger picture: Yeah, I'm thinking I'm ready to date again. The separation was in March, the divorce finalized in June. And while I told myself I wouldn't date for an entire year, I'm getting, antsy. Lonely, perhaps.
And this is about the worst time of the year to start seeing anyone, anyway. But there, I said it. I threw my hat in the ring.
The idea of getting emotionally intimate, committed to someone is still scary. But the idea of being wanted, getting laid is pretty powerful too. It's tough. I want to "get some", but I don't want to just whore around. I've done that already, and am lucky not to come away with a parting gift, like a nice, bright, shiny STD. Not to mention the emotional hole one-night-stands leave.
And then there's the question of whom: I've all but lost interest in relations with women-born-women. I've never had a relationship with a man, even though I've had relations. And T's? Well, they're all bottoms, and to be frank, I need me a top.
So, who does that leave?
Back to the online porn, I guess.
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